Friday, September 26, 2008

Life of a Certi Fighter

8:00 am July freshie year - made to believe that tech matters, hence participate in all tech events. make atleast 10 robots which do nothing better than consume batteries, and have atleast one of them come in 5th in intra hostel robot making competition (which saw 5 entries/actually only one, rest 4 were mere replica's of the 'One')

9:00 am August freshie year - Dream to make micromouse (inspired by YOUR own micromouse). Start reading about microcontrollers and mice on wikipedia

10:00 am September freshie year - Attend all conferences and seminar talks in department. Aim to publish atleast 20 papers during stay in IIT and understand atleast one of those

11:00 am October freshie year - Enrol yourself to be a 'core' organiser of mood indigo (to explore your 'fun' side)

12:00 pm November freshie year - Form study circle of atleast 10 girls and study in GG

1:00 pm December freshie year - Realise that studying with girls caused more harm than good and believe that mood indigo is your ultimate destiny

2:00 pm January freshie year - Realise that mood indigo is not your ultimate destiny, its techfest (because you 'learn' more, so says tf manager from hostel)

3:00 pm February freshie year - Realise that techfest is not your ultimate desitny, its E-Summit, because there is an entrepreneur in everyone

4:00 pm March freshie year - Realise that E-Summit is not your ultimate destiny, its PAF (beccause every person has a hidden construction worker in him, and working for your hostel should be your sole purpose in life)

5:00 pm April freshie year - Realise that being a freshie was nothing more than being the sweeper in department. Get fucked in endsems. Realise that you have more to contribute than acads, so join a startup as intern

6:00 pm July sophie year - Naya saal, naya enthu. Realise that your wing is your ultimate destiny, fight for post of wing secy (your first REAL post)

7:00 pm August sophie year - Realise that department is ultimate destiny, join project under prof in your 'field of interest' but end up working in prof's field of interest

8:00 pm September sophie year - Start applying abroad for PT, demand airfare accomodation and 1000 euros per month, find out your true worth is no airfare, no accomodation and 200 euroes per month

9:00 pm October sophie year - Renewed enthu for Mood indigo. Be responsible for 'conceptualising' all events as the sole COORDINATOR of mood indigo

10:00 pm November sophie year - Endsem time, further drop in CPI because you were too busy fighting, convince yourself that cpi doesn't matter, Mood Indigo is your ultimate destiny

11:00 pm December sophie year - Suck up to CG, "wipe his toilet", wash his clothes, fill his petty cash forms and meanwhile also work a bit for mood indigo

12:00 am January sophie year - JUST for backup, work in Techfest, help conceptualise all events, wipe new Manager's toilet, wash clothes, get praise (as you already have experience)

1:00 am February sophie year - Interview time for mood indigo and techfest. people around you get called, you keep cellphone in good network area hoping for call. You get one call from CG, asking to send your wingie for interview

2:00 am March sophie year - Final teams announced, you're not in. Don't lose hope, decide to manage lights and sound in PAF. Afterl all 'apne to apne hote hain'...hostel hee sab kuch hai

3:00 am April sophie year - Decide to go for Hostel Cult Co, just win 18 votes. Accept cheap PT abroad in Europe, but realise you can't afford the 50 euro charge required for the thing you need most

4:00 am July thirdie year - Disappointed that you have done nothing worthwhile in PT abroad so take frustration out on new baccha wingies

5:00 am August thirdie year - Looking at wingie seniors making resume, realise that 2 years have passed and you have done nothing worthwhile. Stand for PT nom and lose

6:00 am September thirdie year - Desperate for certificate, join speakers club and try hand at all lit events and speaking events in IIT, realise you don't know english

7:00 am October thirdie year - Since you don't know english, join In Sync and make lots of sisters. Participate in Hostel Gyrations and lose

8:00 am November thirdie year - Apply for PT abroad, but demand less this time and get lesser

9:00 am December thirdie year - Watch batchmates machaaoing in mood i and techfest and hide face

10:00 am January thirdie year - Out of desperation/frustration think of starting own event, form team but end up making "I hate mood I and tf" community on Orkut instead, comprising of mood i and tf rejects

11:00 am February thirdie year - Stand for GSec of hostel, again win only 18 votes. Don't lose hope and apply for GSHA

12:00 pm March thirdie year - Get 18 votes there too (wonder if same people voted for you here as well). Prod in charge, PAF. Engage in lively script discussions but get cutaod by dram junta. PAF is last, prod is worst

1:00 pm April thirdie year - Accept PT in Rashtriya Chemicals, Kolhapur for no pay. Start planning for job and CAT but do nothing

2:00 pm July fourthie year - Resume submission deadline approaches, start mugging for NCFM, realise finance is your ultimate destiny

3:00 pm August fourth year - Become member of all clubs in IIT Bombay, including the most sought after Bridge Club, Unnati, Rang, Staccato, Threebune, Saaz, Insight, Awaaz. Contribute nothing

4:00 pm September fourth year - Attend BCG and McKinsey PPTs. Ask company if they support MBA programme after 2 years of work, thinking that attending PPTs is enough to get a job

5:00 pm October fourth year - BCG McKinsey shortlists out, so are you. Realise you've spent lot of time in PPTs of companies in which you have no scope of getting in. Start blaming MI people for poltu as reason for not getting shortlisted

6:00 pm November fourth year - Study hard for endsems, but realise that CPI increases by only 0.02 in the sem and it also doesn't matter because resume is submitted already

7:00 pm December fourth year - PLACEMENTS! Get eliminated in GDs and screwed in written tests. Get shortlisted for 1 interview in whole of first phase and screw it up because it was based on your courses.

7:30 pm December fourth year - PLACEMENTS phase 2 - get shortlisted for 2 companies, get kicked out of one because you have no finance fundae, get kicked out of other because your 'exceptionally high cpi'

8:00 pm January fourth year - Register 5 days late, pay fine. Forget to pay mess advance, pay fine. Not attend company ppt after registering, pay fine. Get free dinners for the month, thanks to job treat. Get drunk and cry everytime.

9:00 pm February fourth year - Try off campus to friend's and seniors' companies, realise you have no friends or seniors.

10:00 pm March fourth year - Finally get placed in Infosys, Pune. Change cellphone number to avoid calls from people from hometown who are in some third grade unheard of local engineering college and are placed in Infosys, Bangalore.

11:00 pm April fourth year - Get screwed in valfi, luckily no one to listen to your profile. Get FF in course but beg and plead with prof and clean his toilet to get DD. Give fundae to juniors on how to become CG and Manager, how to crack CPI, how to crack A1 job and most importantly LIFE ke fundae

12:00 am SLEEP!!!


Kag said...

Too gloomy :(
Thought this would pick up towards the end smwhre...

excited to be alive said...

gr8. :)

nks.iitd said...

if this is the real story of any person I must say he is very positive as compared to me.

Shivam Trivedi said...

one helluva post this.

JswaroopR said...

I expected a happy-ending :(